Wow, its been a while. I guess the stresses and joys of life have taken me away from here for a while. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. But I have been going through many changes emotionally and mentally and physically. But the most exciting change that is going on right now is that I am 18 weeks pregnant. YEAH!!! I have not expected the emotions that I am having during this pregnancy but I am dealing with them one day at a time. Finally, the little kicks are starting to happen and that is super exciting news. Its a calming effect that I have been waiting for.
But today I'm not really in the mood to express my journey so far in this pregnancy. I'm sure I will once my heart tells me too, but I need to share some feelings that I have right now after a discussion with a man from church yesterday.
I'm not sure what it is with the elderly, but I don't think some of them have filters. The news of my pregnancy is slowly going around church and before yesterday everyone was super positive and just extremly happy. Usually there wasn't any comment about Brody, which for me was good because they were just expressing how happy they were about this new life. Anyways, a man came up to me yesterday, put his arms around me and told me that he heard I was expecting. He said that it was great news, and I thought that was the end of the conversation, but I was wrong. He then proceeded to say that I needed to be careful about this pregnancy and I needed to be cautious with everything I did. I just looked at him, and kept my mouth shut. He then said something that has disturbed me and I am quite upset about. He then said, "You know, I don't know if you've already forgotten about your last pregnancy, but eventually you will forget about it and move on". Come on right?? At this point I couldn't keep quiet. I just looked at him and said, you know, I will never ever forget my son Brody, he is very special to me. He is apart of our family and I'm sure as time goes on, it will be easier to grieve, but I will never forget. And you know what? He had no reaction, no comment, it was as if I hadn't said anything, he then proceeded to ask how many kids I wanted, and I said we are taking it one child at a time. Then he said, so you will probably want another after this and make 3? I said, NO, this will be my third child now and we'll see what happens. At this point I just walked away and left to get Mike and go home. I was so upset, and my heart feels like its onfire. The part that I am struggling with now, is how am I supposed to respond and feels towards other Christians when they make comments like this. I don't want to have a hard heart towards this person, but I am deeply hurt by this conversation.
So today I am struggling with these feelings. Just writing this I feel anger and hurt, but I know I must forgive, but its hard when its such deep hurt.
I'm not really sure what to do, but I do remember that when I was in Alberta, my dad spoke about forgiveness, so I think I am going to spend some time listening to his message and in prayer. This is a big deal for me, and I need to approach it properly, so with Gods help I know my heart can be softened and we'll go from there.
Colossians 3:13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you
Aw Julie...I feel bad for you. That was a pretty nasty thing to say! I know what you mean about it being hard to forgive people who say mean things to you...even if they don't understand what you're going through. I'll definitely pray for you! In the mean time, God bless you as you're family is growing!
ReplyDeleteAlex
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteI was looking through Alex's blog and came across your blog and I wanted to say, stay strong; I love you. Sometimes older people, especially men, become harden. I think it has to do with everything they have experienced in life and they forget what it is like to be young, shy and very sensitive. One old man said to me that he wasn't shy anymore, life was too short he wanted to say what was on his mind.
I know this can be hard to forgive, but try to look at it this way......God puts people into our paths to help us grow. He is always in control of things, even this. Try having compassion for this man and I am sure forgiveness will eventually follow. Don't be to hard on yourself, trying to forgive right away, as long as you don't burry this and become bitter then I am sure forgiveness will come. One step at a time, as long as you keep moving forward.
I will pray for you that you can forgive this man and that you will not become hard.
Congratulations and blessings on this new baby growing inside you.
Love and hugs,
Karen
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I so appreciate the way you talk about Brody and how he is a part of your family. You are open and honest and I think that's healthy. I know some of the older generations were taught to never talk about the hard things and losses in their lives and I don't think many of them know how to grieve or were given permission to journey down that road. Grieving and celebrating Brody is what you are doing and I think you are doing a tremendous job at it.
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