My goodness. I can't believe my last post was in March. I guess i've been busy.
Well, since my last post, there have been so many changes that have happened in our family and I would just like to share them.
On August 5 2010, we welcomed a beautiful baby boy to the family. Wohoo!! I can't express how much joy and love I have for our little Jaxson Brody. I had the greatest and quickest delivery ever. Even though getting to the pushing stage took a while, I only pushed 1 1/2 times and he was out. The greatest thing about the delivery was that he came out crying. Praise the Lord! I know for some this may seem natural that babies would come out crying, however for me, I longed for this moment and a little piece of me was scared that he would come out quiet. Jaxson has been such a joy to our family. He is the perfect baby. He is now 2 months old and basically eats, sleeps, and smiles. He is so beautiful and Marcus just adores him. A few weeks ago though, I had a mini breakdown and I feel the need to share it and get it off my chest. Before Jaxson was born, I was feeling really good emotionally, and having great days. I hadn't had an emotional day for a while, and my sorrows seemed to disappear. So, I was a little curious how I would react to having a baby and holding a healthy baby again. What kind of emotions was I going to have, was I going to love this baby or think of him as a replacement to Brody. Well, thankfully pure love came pouring out when I saw him and nothing but joy was inside of me. It wasn't until Jaxson was about a month old, when I hit a wall. One day I was just looking at Jaxson and he started smiling at me. And it hit me. His features were changing. He didn't look like the infant that was born a month ago. And I started to cry. What I realized was that Jaxson looked exactly like Brody did when he was born. They had the exact features and especially had the same mouth. Without realizing it. Every time I looked at Jaxson, I felt like I was looking at Brody. And for some reason that was holding me together. Then one day he changed, and I lost it. The image that I had of Brody was leaving me. I could no longer look at Jaxson and see Brody. I felt like I was losing Brody all over again. I had to quickly get out Brody's picture and sob and pray for understanding about what was happening. With prayer and a lot of overwhelming thoughts, I have come to the understanding that Jaxson is a pure blessing to us. He is his own person, not a replacement for Brody, nor is he Brody. I had to grieve all over again basically from the beginning and find that peace again that I had come to a year ago. Brody has a special place in my heart. He is my son, and I am greatful that I had him, but I also need to give my love to Jaxson, and praise God for the beautiful baby that he is. It is now a month later, and Jaxson keeps changing. He is getting cuter every day, and I am just so in love with him. I can't wait to see what kind of personality he is going to have and I am just excited for the future that I have with him.
Another exciting change that has happened to our family is that we moved to Bow Island, Alberta in August. Yes, we moved when Jaxson was 5 days old. And yes, we were crazy. However, the move went smoothly and we made it just fine. What brought us to Bow Island, was a ministry opportunity. For the past few years we have been yearning to be in youth ministry. Mike has applied to many churches and nothing had come out of it. When we lost Brody, we decided to stop applying to churches, and just focus on our family and spend the year praying about our future and the plans God had for us. It wasn't until we put our own plans aside and fully relied on God to deliver our future, that we got a call from Bow Island. And what a blessing it has been. We are being so fullfilled here and are really excited that God has brought us to this church and to these youth. We are so blessed by the youth at the church and are really enjoying getting to know them and to be part of their walk with Christ.
Looking back, I never would have thought our lives would change so quickly. But I am so thankful for new life, and a wonderful new church family.
However, I do miss my girls from Vernon though. There are many days where I sit and wonder if they are getting together for potlucks, or playdates or having super fun birthday events. I was so blessed with great friends, and I know they left a great impact in my life. They are great examples of wonderful mothers, and true, loving friends. Miss you guys!!!
So, that is all for now. Hopefully I'll keep writing on here and hopefully more often. May you all be blessed today!
Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.
